The Testimony of a Young Author
When I self-published Fish Out of Water three years ago today, my life changed. It meant so much to me, that all the reasons underneath are perhaps impossible to fully express. I was sitting at my desk at the beginning of my college senior year at night. One bright, hot lamp shone down from above it. Finally settled into my dorm for the last year, I had the Amazon page open, with only one step left to take. I pressed “publish.”
Over the months and years, I never fully considered myself a “real” published author. I had been seized with dread and anxiety that summer as I was editing the book into shape as best I could that there was something terribly wrong with my writing. That it was trash and I couldn’t see how. Moreover, I was setting the very freedom of my child-like creativity in front of the world, or perhaps better said, at the mercy of the world (whoever in it would read it.) Would I be crushed?
My family, friends, and acquaintances were supportive of my writing, but the book naturally didn’t really go anywhere. As time progressed, I realized that this book failed to have a solid “big picture,” and failed in several other minor ways, regardless of its inherent charm that could never wholly escape me. I also didn’t know much about my audience.
Somehow, after self-publishing, my creative freedom suffered, and I truly felt that having my work published crippled me. I could no longer write for fun or make up things as I pleased. My creative nodes became almost paralytic. Even as I carved out a draft for the second book, currently named The Magical Fair, the light of life had dulled.
Meanwhile, over the past year, I have gradually realized that I need not confuse my creative life (the life in me that produces creations) and my technical creative writing skills. I don’t have to be crippled by my skill level. Rather, as a more mature person would already know, the revelation of my inadequacies is exactly what I had been wanting to see when I was editing my first book in 2017. It is grace over my dread. It is humility, a door opened, vision for the blind, and all that. I only hope to continue my progress.
It is possible for one book to become a literary classic, even fantasy books like The Hobbit. However, authors and artists do not often stamp their “success” on one book. They keep creating as they were made to do, sharing their works, and ever-continuing to learn.
To conclude, I find this level of creative freedom truly inspirational: